please don't belong

i just hate saying goodbye.

left beth at the airport this morning, after rushing my daughter to go over to the neighbor's to get a ride to school so that we could get out of the house to try to get beth to the terminal for the 2 hour pre-boarding current state of things security 2 step.

i don't even know when i will see her again (though i do know it will be soon).

i remember my family's habit of watching the departee actually going into the accordion gate and onto the plane (no more of that).

i also recall walking away from my folk's house, and down the street to the bus. every time i looked back, there was my mother's tiny far away figure watching me as i walked away from her. she would wave every time she saw me turn around. this could go on for blocks. this habit had started when i began walking to elementary school.

she also insists that i call whenever i got home from traveling.

my parents also watch my car as i drive away from them.

and lately i watch my girl walk through the gate and into school. just to make sure.

i felt vaguely guilty just 'dropping off' beth at the white zone for immediate unloading and loading only.

which explains why i found myself parked outside of the airport, waiting for the plane to take off.

then i remembered the 2 hour 2 step.

i started the car..