You're not my daughter's valentine!

So, the dreaded question comes from my nine year old:

"Daddy-o, do I make a Valentine Day's card for everyone in my class?"

For the last few years, the school's policy is that a child makes one for all, or none. Very PC.

Mind you, my hated of Valentine's Day probably started around my girl's age in school as I was one of the kids that generally never got too many cards from school mates. I was fat, nerdy, "Latino" (mostly white bread school), and a thespian.

Basically, a dork. So no cards. Cynicism is born. Suspicion of "love" and "relationships" begins.

It also didn't help that my mother, the ultra-catholic (is that a superhero yet?), would always remind us that Saint Valentine was no longer a saint (along with St. Bernard and St. Nicholas). So throw that in to the mix, add punk hostility towards ugly American consumerism, and my little ray o sunshine's question sets off various sirens in my head.

Being the sensitive Dad however, I answer back:

"Do you ask that because 22 is too many, or is there someone you feel funny giving one to?"

She knows I'm on to her.

"Uh, dad. Nunces?" (child's name changed to preserve anonymity).

Nunces carries one of those wheeled travel bags everywhere he goes. To the bathroom, to the lunch area, on field trips. The weird part: There are no school supplies in it. Those are in his backpack. His parents don't know what's in it. He will not open it.

Nunces is a brat.He is a cynical 50 year old man trapped in a child's body. At eight years old, he back talks to every teacher, goes around saying all adults are stupid, uses the "F", "B", and "A" word so much that he has been suspended twice, told the teacher to "Suck my ____!", and insults every child every chance he gets.

The whole Nunces family needs some help, I think.

But he called my girl a "Fatty four eyes." And that means war.

What to do? What do I tell my girl in this awkward situation. Feelings for the nemesis aside, there is a rule at the school, and my wee one informs me that she has spent most of Sunday making the other cards.

So she can't leave Damien Omen III without a card (I remind my Kid of my hurt feelings being left out).

"Hmmm..." I stall. "What do your cards say to the other kids?"

"Uh, 'Be my valentine's', 'you're the sweetest', and stuff like that. But I can't say that to Nunces!!"

Then it hits me. I remember one particularly nasty card that I once got. No sickly sweet pandering. Just someone's (a parent's?) idea of fulfilling the needs of the card at it's most basic? Or a sad attempt at generic-ism? I'll never know, but it got to me.

And now, the cycle can continue.

I tell my pup what to write, and she understands. And a little part of me feels bad, but another part thinks on how this may turn the kid around (I mean, I like the weird old man sarcasm and that bag thing, and I was a bit of a jerky know it all as a kid, so maybe...?).

Nunces' card reads:

Have A Nice Day.