train speek gut

for those who need to know, i am one of those oddballs in Los Angeles that (until recently-like last year) had no driver's license, let alone a car...i ride public transport...

in Los Angeles i might as well admit to being an axe-murderer...

"YOU DO WHAT?"

in reality there are millions who ride our 3rd world bus lines and a few thousand that ride the growing network of trains...it's just that in this town, most of those riders are latino, black, and poor, single mothers and a few scattered office workers, so they "don't count" when it comes to the Baywatch/OC view of LA...i mean you would never see Gwyneth or Jennifer or Kevin on the trains here(NY subways are OK, i guess)...

sometimes i amuse myself while riding the trains trying to figure out just what the conductors are saying over the intercom...usually it's "no eating, smoking, et." type reminders and on occasion, a frightening snippet ("emergency evacuation.....security...package") that goes nowhere.

most often it's plain old stop announcements, and here the driver's have a field day:
"Washington" becomes "gassing"
"San Pedro" becomes "Sah Pedro"
"Vernon" becomes "bern"
and my favorite: "Firestone" becomes "porn"

well, lo and behold, last night the train i was on suddenly had pre-recorded announcements for all the stops, and the pair (male=English, female=Spanish) sounded like Fred and Ginger about to begin singing and dancing they were so happy!!

of course, often interrupting was the live conductor with mutterings that were as pleasantly incomprehensible as always... something along: "peas en the all train stasseens showned conshiderasheen an keep feetoff the patferm ahn benchis ad owl times..."